I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
