I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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