I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
