She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
