i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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