You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
