Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They took my balls.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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