People in love make me want to vomit
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
