if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he just fucked me for my cheese..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize