i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
