I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
