is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
