Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
