Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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