We're like a lot better than the average bears
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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