so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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