I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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