you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
