dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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