I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
