Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
