what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
