Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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