Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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