She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
