I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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