i may or may not be watching the land before time
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
