So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
