Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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