oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
