theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
