Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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