I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
