so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
