Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize