Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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