Pants 0. Shit 1.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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