you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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