it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
