First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize