Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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