Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
