Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
