what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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