As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
