My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
