So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
