I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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