i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
