over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
