My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
