she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize