Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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