I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dignity is for republicans.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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