What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize