Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize