Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize