mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize