she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
