we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
