I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
