At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
