I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
