Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
