Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
