I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
