Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
