In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
