He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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