I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
