I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
