The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
