Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
