you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
