your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
