i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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