All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
