You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize